A Dharma Life

2009 part 2

nobody@vox.com(Dolma) — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 19:25:38 +0100

so about 4 hours after I wrote the last post my dad passed away after a very very sudden and unexpected surgery. I don't really know what to say.
but this one is for you Dad

sunset17

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2009

nobody@vox.com(Dolma) — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 18:56:22 +0100

Two weeks vacation has gone like a wind. On Monday I am going back to work. Busy times is ahead with preparing for a tourist season, and yet the financial difficulties is really taking its toll on the tourist industry in Norway. And I am sure we are not the only ones feeling the effect.
On a more personal level I really feel the financial crisis too. Interest rates on my loans skyrocketed, and I am struggling to pay the extra 200 $ a month. If I hadn't had a generous dad who payed for my trip to the states in March I would probably not have been able to go. And I am sooooo looking forward to finally visiting my girl. We have talked on a daily basis for 6 months now, more or less 24 hours a day we have skye open. Which means we really get to know each other. She can listen to me sleep if she wants, she is the one waking me up in the morning, she is the last person (usually) I hear the voice of in the evening before going to sleep - that is - if she isn't at work. She gets to know the sounds of my apartment when I am gone - she probably knows my neighbour's daily routines better than I do.
I love getting to know her sounds, all tones of her voice and what they mean. I feel like I know her - and yet I dont know her at all. Cause I have never seen her body language, I have never seen her face brighten up with a smile or laugh because something I said was silly. Which is all the time. I have seen all kinds of pictures.
visiting her will be amazing. And we will have almost 3 weeks.

I am thinking 2009 will be a good year. :)
Here's a wish for all of you - I hope your 2009 will be as great and wonderful as you are hoping.

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Oh My

nobody@vox.com(Dolma) — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 20:35:29 +0100

Where did time go? I cant believe how quickly this past year has gone by. When things change around me I have more than enough with just clamping my hands to the rollercoaster cart and hope I'll get through it in one piece. And let me tell you - the rollercoaster I have been on lately is the best one for ages. there are changes going on, and I love it.
First of all - the new job I have is great. Fun, educational, stressful but great. I have had to learn so many things - I thought I was organized and accurate before I started this job. Im not. *lol* I m disorganized and forgetful - and I need to change that. I wikll tho and have hopes for the next season. Secondly - I met someone. I am in love again and that feels amazing. She is funny, cute as a button, has the most wonderful voice, giggles like a schoolgirl and has the most gorgeous eyes I have seen. And she loves me too. Only problem is - she is in CT USA and I am in Norway. Damn. Thats a 6 hour time difference and a loooooooooooooong flight away. Thank god for Skype. I m on skype almost 24/7 - and no I am not kidding. *lol*
thats not all the changes going on - I am more confident, I am out to my friends and family at last, And I am not afraid of being myself. Online or anywhere else. Im done hiding. So - without more ado - here I am. Latest pic of me - only a few days old. It's good to be back!

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"I have a sanctuary"

nobody@vox.com(Dolma) — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 22:43:25 +0100

Misty lake

She sighs. things are rough again. Trouble brewing at work, and she can feel her whole body becoming tense. Just thinking of that place makes her feel like she's going to be sick. It is no good - no matter what she does it is never good enough. She feels stepped on, chewed on. She has been made a scapegoat.

She takes a deep breath and looks around. No one near. Good. It is time to seek "the sanctuary", the place that calms her more than any other. It is a memory from her past, a safe haven remembered from years ago. The place she would go to when things got rough when bullied at school, or during her parent's divorce. Rain, snow, mist, sun - no matter, she would find peace there, and still does.

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. Suddenly she can smell the forest, the dry pine forest ground, the special smell of the sticky pine sap. In her mind she opens her eyes, and there it is. A small freshwater lake surrounded by a dense pine forest.

She is sitting on a ledge only three meters over the water. It is summer, white and yellow water lillies dipping gently in the water in the small bay to the left, right ahead a rockface protruding from the trees, behind it the place she goes swimming all summer. across the water on her right is the lodge built by the beaver family that settled there a couple of years back. It is getting big.

She leans her back on a fir tree and close her eyes and takes in the smell again. A small splash in the water tells her the fish are having dinner. Over the waterlilles dragonflies hover. Occationally a dragonfly finds its way to her ledge. She loves the dragonflies. They are so majestic in a way. Colourful. Blue, green, red. Closing her eyes again she listens to the sounds of the forest. The twitter of small birds, a couple of crows having a conversation far away. The gentle rustle of dead leaves by some small animal somewhere behind her - could it be a mouse? Or maybe a bird. She sits completely still not to scare it away.
It is getting late - dusk is here, and she should be heading home, but she knows she will be able to hear her mother's call when it is time to come home. She relaxes and savor the impressions from her surroundings.

Suddenly she hears a big splash in the water. She turns towards the sound to see what it is, and she forgets to breathe for a second when she sees what made the splash. A big animal - the king of this forest - a moose - has found its way down to the water. He starts drinking a little, then wades out in the water and starts swimming past her and across the lake. He struggles a little getting up on the other side, finally climbs up - stops for a moment and turns his head as if he knows she is watching him - as if he looks at her and says "I know" with some strange kind of heartfelt concern for her. She is enthralled, under a spell while watching him until he disappears between the trees. This is why she so loves this place. You never know what is going to happen next. She feels at home here - away from the world of people where she feels so misunderstood, so out of place.

She puts her hand in her pocket and takes out her little stash of pebbles in her pocket, and looks at today's treasures - all smooth and special rocks in different sizes and colours - all feels good in her hand. She takes one and throws it in the lake. She just loves the sound of the rock hitting the water, watching the small splash and the rings spreading out and eventually disappearing. She is aware of the symbology in the act, throws another just to remind herself that even if the problem seems big now, the repercussions will eventually lessen and disappear somewhere down the road - just like the rings on the water. She takes a deep breath as she hears her mother call for her. She answers the call, stands up and whisper a "sorry to disturb you" to her friends in her little oasis, and runs home not even bothering to brush the pine needles and dead leaves off her trousers and teeshirt.

She opens her eyes and finds herself back at work, now with a crooked smile from the memory, the bad feeling still lurks, but is beaten for now. Beaten by a powerful memory from her past when the world - just for a few minutes - seemed absolutely perfect.

(UPDATE) - forgot to mention that unfortunately the image is not mine. fetched from the web. I WISH it was mine though..

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excerpt of my writing yesterday

nobody@vox.com(Dolma) — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 11:12:12 +0100

"The voice on the radio drones on and on, hypnotic, soporific, the gloom outside the windows like a contrasting backdrop of a waking dream. The girl stares at the screen, trying to concentrate on the words and numbers but she's miles away. The dream is vivid, crystal clear pictures of a different, more compelling world than the reality. Sometimes it seems like the reality is all black and white, while the dream is in millions of colours. She's woolgathering, and knows it but can't help it; she supports her head in her hand, a stupid grin appears induced by the weekend's happenings and she lets the dream take over for a while.

She sighs and makes another attempt to solve today's problems, but the dream keeps returning like an insistent fly refusing to be brushed off."

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Bored

nobody@vox.com(Dolma) — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 21:34:32 +0100

I AM SOOOOOO BORED!! It's killing me.
I need to get a life
*sigh*

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two choices - a story of inspiration

nobody@vox.com(Dolma) — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 17:44:19 +0100

I have been a little down lately, and have dug myself a little hole. Then I get this email from one of my amazing colleagues, and the day turned. It was exactly what I needed today, and will read this little story every day for the remainder of the week at least. And I wanted to share it with you all. Hoping it could be a little inspirational to more than just me.

Thomas is the kind of guy you love to hate. He's always in a good mood, and always has something positive to say.

Whenever someone asked him how he was, He'd answer: "If I'd be any better I'd be twins!"

He's a natural inspiration. If a colleague had a bad day, Thomas was there and told the colleague how to see the positive in the situation.

I was curious about this, and one day I went up to Thomas and asked: "How do you do it?"

Thomas answered: "Every morning I wake up I tell myself: you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood. Every time something bad happens I can choose to be a victim or learn from it. Every time someone complains to me I can choose to accept their complaint or I can choose to focus on the positive sides to life. I choose the positive sides of life."

"Sure - but it's not all that simple" I protested.
"It is" said Thomas, "Life is about choices. When you cut away the crap, every situation is a choice. You choose how to react on the situations. You choose how people affect your mood. It is you who choose if you want to be in a good mood or a bad mood. In the end it is your choice how you live your life."

I thought about what Thomas had told me. Shortly after I left the firm to start a new business. We lost touch, but I often thought of him whenever I took a choice concerning my life instead of just reacting to it.

Many years later I heard that Thomas was involved in a serious accident with a fall of over 20meters from a radio sender. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks in the recovery room Thomas was released from hospital with support along his spine.

I met him about 6 weeks after the accident. When I asked him how he felt he answered: "If I'd be any better I'd be twins! do you want to see my scars?"
I turned down the offer of seeing the scars, but asked him what he thought during the accident.

The first thing I thought was the welfare of my daughter" Thomas answered. "So while I lay on the ground I remembered I had two choices. I could choose to live or I could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.

"The ambulance people were amazing. They kept saying everything will be fine. but when they rolled me into intensive care and I saw the looks of the doctors and nurses there I got terrified. Their eyes had written "He's a dead man" in them. I knew then I had to do something." Thomas said.

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well - there was this big brutish kind of nurse yelling questions at me. and she asked me if I was allergic to something. I answered "yes". The doctors and nurses stopped while waiting for my answer. I took a deep breath and said: "Gravity"
Through their laughter I told them: "I choose to live. Operate on me as if I am living, not dying"

Thomas survived because of the doctor's competence, but also because of his amazing attitude. From him I learned that every day we can choose to live fully. Attitude is, after all, EVERYTHING.

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crane sunset01

nobody@vox.com(Dolma) — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 13:38:13 +0100

crane sunset01, originally uploaded by Nerdine.

I'm having a "thing" for sunset shots at the moment. Autumn is just wonderful for sunset shots as the sun sets just as I am on my way home from work.
This picture was made this Sunday Nov 4th at the harbour of Oslo. Initially I was mad at myself for not going to the fortress to make my photos, but the cranes and scaffolding on the building made it more interesting to photograph in the end I think. I'll go to the fortress some other day to make my sunset pictures.

More photos at my Flickr page. You find the link to the right

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Autumn window

nobody@vox.com(Dolma) — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 20:28:53 +0100

fall window, originally uploaded by Nerdine.

I love autumn...
This is one of the windows in the building where I work. I will miss this building when I leave. It is so stunning! And very easy to photograph. A couple of my very best pictures I have made here - of this building.
Yes - I think this building is what I will miss the most when I leave.

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Concert

nobody@vox.com(Dolma) — Sat, 27 Oct 2007 02:15:49 +0200

Went to a concert this evening. An amazing, brilliant concert. One of my very favourite artists - Tom McRae, and I think he is soo incredibly underrated. He has released 4 absolutely brilliant albums, and still he's mostly unknown. His texts are so quietly powerful it's amazing. He's popular in Norway, and he keeps coming back here - he's been here twice this year - and we keep inviting him back. The concert tonight was one of the best concerts of his I've been to, he brought me to tears a couple of times with just his songs.
this song was the opening act, and is one of those songs that instantly spoke to me. Love this song. It's from his newest album called King of cards:

Tom McRae - Got a Suitcase got Regrets

First time I saw Tom live was at a music festival in Oslo. The festival is called "Norwegian Wood" and Tom had just released his first album. I remember it was a lovely day - and I sat in the sun on the grass with a very good friend of mine chatting through one of those boring concerts - I think it was some American band - quite famous as far as I remember. It was just uninspired and too much noise. I think they had 10-12 musicians on stage, and dragged the songs out to the unrecognizable. Too noisy, too unstructured, and no fun listening to. My ears was tired after just a couple of songs. So my friend and I talked through most the concert - as did most people around us. we clapped loudly when they left stage.
Then some people came on stage to clear up after this huge band and rig for the next concert. The stage was almost empty - a mikestand, a stool, and a small drum set. That was it. then this small guy comes on with a guitar - and I remember thinking he was one of the sound crew. I thought he was going to test for the next act. Turns out he WAS the next act. It was Tom McRae. after him a guy with a cello sits down on the stool, and a guy sits by the drum set, Tom starts singing and the whole festival area is dead quiet - enchanted by this quiet voice with the most powerful lyrics. I was completely enraptured. Magic

Tom McRae - The Boy With The Bubblegun

tom mcrae - my vampire heart

As soon as I could after that first concert I bought his album. I now own three of four albums - and guess what I'm doing tomorrow? yep - I'm running to the shop to buy his latest CD.
I love this guy and his music.

Thanks, Tom, for yet another amazing concert.

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